I guess the phrase “Be Kind Rewind” doesn’t really apply anymore. Nowadays it’s “Be Kind Return Your DVDs In The Right Case.” I can’t tell you how many times customers would return 4 or 5 DVDs and they would all be in the wrong case. Seriously, it happens at least 80% of the time. Well it stops now! Scott and I are taking a stand for the little guy. The “the little guy” being us and every other video store employee around the country. Remember, like Santa Claus and Batman, we’re watching you. Return your movies in the right case or else.
On a semi-serious note, I wanted to give you guys an update on My Porno Life since we haven’t posted a new strip in a while. Right now Scott and I writing a bunch of new scripts, but we want them done before the drawing process begins. Our workflow used to be a bit last minute and we were always under the gun. It made things more stressful than it should have been so we are working on correcting those mistakes. We aren’t going to launch the next strip until we already have a few already done and I would like to redesign the site too. Follow us on Facebook to keep up to date on what’s happening with My Porno Life.
Yes, Scott and I were having a hard time introducing Alex in such a way that would make the story interesting. The truth is I met Alex in a film class in college. We bonded over cartoons, video games, and The Muppet Christmas Carol. Not very “My Porno Life” huh? Shortly after the “Marley and Marley” conversation that broke the ice, we did bond over out mutual love for porn and for adding “man” to every word (Subway would be “Manway”, cigarettes would be “manarettes”. We were young and crass, what would you expect?)
So how do you introduce someone who’s been an important part of you life for so long in a clever and funny way? You let him hijack the cartoon strip and do it himself.
Ladies and gentlemen. I give you the man, the myth, the legend…Alex!
And so ends the tale of how The Ruiner of all things good and pure came to be… and its name is Holy Diver.
Truly a twisted Christmas story for the ages. A cautionary tale if you will, not unlike the ones told in times of yore. A reminder to never decorate your tree with silver tinsel if you own a cat…or just don’t own a cat. What do I know? I’m a dog lover, cat’s are disgusting creatures that shit in a box. I do know this, I’ve always feared Holy D and he senses it too. I feel him watch me in my sleep sometimes…those yellow eyes…always seeing, always knowing.
Kinda like Santa Claus!
It’s true, sometimes the best-job-on-earth has its drawbacks. As anyone who’s ever worked in an adult video store will tell you, there are dangers. I mean, it’s not like we are police officers or firefighters or anything, but we do have to deal with some fucked up shit. We are also valuable and important members to the community. Who else is going to be there for you when your wife is out of town? The porn store clerks. Who else is going to be there for you when you need a quicky during your lunch break? The porn store clerks….Wait a minute you sick fucker, I mean we will provide you with all the whack-off material you crave. Perv. Jeez.
Keep that in mind the next time you decide to drop trou in the middle of the store – Without us, where would you be then? Hmmmmm? Dropping trou on the subway and getting arrested, that’s where.
My name is Scott… and I married a gamer girl. Let me fill you in a bit on the beginning…
When I first met Danielle, she was the new girl at work (where Corey ALSO worked) and I thought she was a bitch. She knows this. Now… the reason I thought this was because I’m a very outgoing dude. I’ve got no problem walking up to someone and introducing myself. Danielle, on the other hand, is a very shy woman. Before we actually got together, she was even MORE shy. So much so that, when I actually walked right up to her and introduced myself to this new girl with awesome boobs, she looked at me in such a way that said to me, “Who the FUCK are you and WHAT the fuck do YOU want?” Now, Danielle explained later that she was just too shy to be fully composed while being bathed in my awesome presence for the first time (I swear that’s how she described it, for realzies).
Fast forward a bit… I expanded Danielle’s taste in video games. She quickly took to first person shooters… Halo being the first one. I would repeatedly beat her over, and over, and over again… because I’m badass. I explained what she was doing wrong. HOW I was able to pick her off from a mile away with a sniper rifle, how I was able to sneak up behind her and bludgeon her to death. I didn’t realize this at the time, but she learned. She actually listened to me and built on it so much so that before I knew what was happening, I started to… my god… I started to lose. Over, and over, and over. This was some bullshit.
With her victories over me came confidence, and with that eventually came arrogance, and with her arrogance came the meanest, most cruelly aggressive (and hottest) opponent I’ve ever met my end by. It was shocking at first. This was not the woman I had fallen in love with. This woman was ruthless. She was a killer. She was now officially a gamer girl; spawned from the ashes of the timid, introverted Danielle I had known up until that point.
At least I finally had a challenge now. Hehehehe….